Before I start, just a word for a dear friend who thinks that I mistake Morbid to being intellectual. Don’t know what you will think with this, it’s not an attempt to be intellectually Morbid or Morbidly Intellectual, just an elaborate elaboration of an elaborate fear – My Fear.
Moving on, I feel all of us fear something which is subjective to his/her likes and dislikes. The Romans gave these fears some fancy names which to me are nothing more than some fancy names. Doesn’t matter who you are, we all have that one fear which can send a shiver down our spine. No matter how funny it may sound to others, but for you it’s that one thing which is worse than death.
Me being no exception, I fear my death. It doesn’t go well with the ‘worse than death’ phrase but that’s the way it is.
The faintest memories of my childhood are the ones in which I am crying on my bed, thinking that a day will come when I will no longer be a part of the wheel, no longer a part of the planet and the way it’s being run.
Silently hugging my pillow close to my chest, thinking of the different things that can happen to me (an accident, brutally murdered, old age, a body deforming sickness, or just silently closing my eyes to the eternal darkness and later buried in a place which scares me to death any way), I used to cry like an inconsolable child.
The fear never went, it just graduated to a level where with each passing year I ended up thinking ‘another one goes, how many more left?’
Now, when I Google it, to add more ‘attractive’ word(s) to this post, I find that I actually suffer (if it’s the right word to be used at this point) from ‘Thantophobia’, the technical term for ‘Fear of Death’. The way they have explained it on the website, it certainly is very extreme but then that’s the way articles are suppose to be exaggerating everything.
Today, even though I don’t hug my pillow or cry thinking about my eventual demise, there are nights when I am all alone sitting, talking to myself and wondering about that moment which will separate me from the Living and the Non Living.
That split second which will make all the difference.
