Intellectual Masturbation

‘Manual stimulation of your own genital organ for sexual pleasure’.

An act of pleasure, is what the dictionary means, but pleasure can differ from person to person. While somebody can enjoy playing with his/her genitals others have their own way and method of reaching an ‘Orgasm’.

Slowly and steadily, as I walk along the path called Life, I keep bumping into a very strange class of humans, and with each interaction (which sometimes is funny as they themselves) there is this venom building up inside me not being able to find a way out. With this post, I intend to vent it all out and settle the score once and for all.

The industry I work in, is an industry where you just keep bumping into this breed. These people talk nothing less than Marx, Foucault and Freud. And when they talk, they talk as if they were the ones who sat with these greats and told them what to write/say.

The kind of bull shit these creatures can do will make a strong healthy bull hide with embarrassment for his inability to produce the same amount of crap. The best part is that, they themselves are not bull shitters by birth but influenced by bigger bull shitters who think they have cracked ‘the puzzle’ . This is how the chain progresses, bull shitting passed from generation to generation.

No matter how screwed their life is but they will always have an opinion on everyone. Always an advice to tell you to make your life better or a ‘critical appreciation’ of the problems you have in your life or how incomplete you are as a person.

And in doing so, they contradict themselves without knowing that they are, maybe they realise this but then it’s all right for them since they are ‘The all knowing, ever prevailing’ .

As far as my limited knowledge goes I think Marx once said, ‘Those who cannot represent themselves, need to be represented’. But who decides that a certain flock need to be represented or who decides that who will become the shepherd of any flock?

That’s a stupid question to ask, at this juncture. Can anyone do (read faf) it in a better way than our friends, absolutely not!

You go to one of their ‘Get – Togethers’ and you will realise what I mean (the writer says this from personal experience). The first time I was a little nervous, the aura was getting to me but then I tried to be a little optimistic. At least I will learn something in the company of these great men/women, I told myself and went ahead.

The ‘Get – Together ’, as you would have guessed by now turned out to be one session of ‘bakchodi’(at least for me), now to be honest we all do ‘bakchodi’ but then we agree to the fact that at the end of the day it’s nothing but mere ‘bakchodi’.

But here I was, sitting with a person who was discussing religion and telling me how one should follow it with discipline and fervour. Quoting from texts never heard of (I didn’t know that books with that name existed). That’s another thing that the gentleman could booze, lie, back bite, have casual sex and still, tell me to be a better Muslim than him. I guess he was above all of us to actually follow whatever he was saying.

Or the lady sitting in the far corner, for her life/friendship was about the goodness, gentleness and a lot more *esses which I don’t seem to remember. But it seems that somebody forgot to tell her not keeping your promise or lying or scheming isn’t a good feat either (maybe she still hasn’t read that book which says this).

There are many such examples, many more people who just remind me of the term I just coined. The way they talk, the way they try to sound compassionate, the way they make you feel what they feel etc etc. All of this, if it looks anything is nothing more than a big facade.

Finally, my final message to all intellectual masturbators, you guys suck and you suck big time. Why do you do it? I understand if it helps you in any way – sexual or asexual, but then you make it clear that you need to do it, without which you are incomplete.

Maybe you can device a sign or something which you can give before you start doing it and we will know that you are just trying to help yourself.

I am sure it wouldn’t take a lot. Would it...